


Just a Little Less Scary

by Munchingpotatoes123



Category: Friday Night Funkin' (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BF GF and Pico are in a polycule hehe, Derealization, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, GF's name is Cherry, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspired by Music, Just a mention of it, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, bf's name is keith, keith has an unspecified dissociative disorder but its mostly shown to be dp/dr, kind of, nothing bad though, pico's name is pico, specifcally everywhere till the end of time cuz that song reminds me so much of dissociation, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 06:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30135438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Munchingpotatoes123/pseuds/Munchingpotatoes123
Summary: Dissociation isn't exactly something new to Keith, it's been with him as he's grown up unfortunately, but there are still times where it really gets the better of him. It's a good thing that, at least this time, he's not alone.//Read the notes for content warnings
Relationships: Boyfriend (Friday Night Funkin')/Pico (Pico's School), Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Friday Fight Funkin')/Pico (Pico's School), Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Friday Night Funkin')
Comments: 5
Kudos: 113





	Just a Little Less Scary

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes hello I'm someone with a dissociative disorder (specifically OSDD) and this fic is a direct vent about dissociation, it has really in-depth descriptions of said dissociation and if you think that might trigger you please be careful or don't read the fic at all!! Your mental health is more important :, ))
> 
> There are also instances of suicidal thoughts, as well as intrusive thoughts about internalized guilt coming from Keith specifically, as well implications of un-intentional self-harm via bruising. I think that's it though. OK enjoy

Keith didn’t know how long he’d been dissociating; it could’ve been a couple minutes, or three hours, it’s really hard to tell. Although, to be fair, he never *really* felt like he was connected to reality. At least, not his own reality. Even in moments where he was grounded and doing something he loved, or talking to one of his loved ones, it never quite felt...right, it felt like at any given moment, if he focused hard enough or was alone with his thoughts for too long, he would be torn away from the world once again.

And that’s kind of what’s been happening right now, it wasn’t exactly clear what triggered this particular episode, and even if it was, it’s not like he could remember it anyway. Thinking about it was too hard. It was too scary. Keith curled into himself, he wasn’t even shaking, no, he was past that stage. He was so absolutely hollow and voided that his body didn’t even have the will to shake, so all he could do was sit there and feel as his eyes sunk deeper into their sockets. It was such a strange, disconnected feeling, like his essence- his soul, mind, whatever- had escaped through his ears and now he was left all alone and wide-eyed. His flesh no longer felt connected to his bones, there was a 1 millimeter gap between his skin and muscle he couldn’t pat down no matter how hard he pressed against his arm, even to the point of bruising, and the world around him was covered in this vague static he could only place in his fever dreams.

He hated it.

He hated it.

He really fucking hated it.

And he just wanted it to end.

But thinking about how much he hated it made him sink deeper into the void that replaced his reality. 

And so all he could do or think to do was curl up harder and hope that soon enough he could remember how cold it is in his room.

Suddenly, there was a rattling knock at his door. It startled Keith and sent a little shock of panic up from his spine. When you’re at the stage where not even home feels familiar anymore, even the simplest of actions can make you feel like you’re somehow in danger. If he was normal right now, he might’ve even welcomed whoever was trying to come into his room with a smile.

_ “No, you know this is really what’s normal,”  _ A little voice in the back of his head started, it was probably his own subconscious, but it felt like someone else entirely speaking to him,  _ “This is your reality. This is your truth. It’s yours and no one else’s. And it’s your fault too, you know. You fucked up and it's all your fault that you're like this. This is how you’re going to die. You’re going to-” _

The squeak of a door interrupted those thoughts, but it took him a bit too long to register it. It was Cherry, she’d entered the room with an inquisitive look on her face and he watched it melt into worry. That made him feel guilty.

“K-Keith? Are you ok?” She asked, he didn’t respond. He didn’t know if he could, he felt like he had no power over his own body or senses, so he didn’t bother. There was a long stretch of silence before a deeper voice called from beyond the doorway.   
  
“Hey, what’s the hold up?! Did you ask if Keith wanted to go to the train station yet?” It took a little too long for him to register that it was Pico’s voice. The boy in question had just finished walking up behind Cherry, to which she responded with a slow shake of her head.   
  
“I think he’s uh...dissociating again,” She started, “He’s got those- those eyes.” 

Pico turned his attention towards Keith, and a moment passed, “...Oh.”

“Do you know what we should do? You know a lot more about this stuff than I do…” The guilt in Cherry’s voice was almost palpable, but this was more Pico’s expertise after all- he was a trauma survivor himself and had been dating the other boy for way longer.   
“I’ve only caught him like this a couple times, best thing to do is be next to him and wait it out.” His voice was hard and solid, Cherry envied that.

“Oh...are you sure we can’t do anything else to help? Like- erm...the thing I read online about the ice cube, would giving him something cold help ground him?”   
“That’s good advice for most people, but for him...uh, I think it makes it worse,” Pico scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed, “I learned that from experience.”

Cherry didn’t respond, instead pausing for a second and moving to sit next to Keith on the bed.

Initially, the touch of her warm hand against his startled him in the same way the knock on his door did, but that panic quickly subsided. Up until that point and for just half a second, Keith had the thought that maybe if he died- ideally right here and now- then he’d stop feeling like this. Dissociation made him sick, the kind sickness that settled in his stomach like he’d just swallowed a rock, and it gnawed on him in a way that made the horror of feeling like he was stuck in the wrong reality multiply onto itself. But as Cherry gave his hand a solid, reassuring squeeze, it suddenly reminded him of the life he still had to live.

Not long after, Pico had sat at the other side of him as well, holding Keith’s hand in his own, and this time, it didn’t feel so scary. 

The three stayed there in silence, with Cherry rubbing hearts on his hand with her thumb and Pico tapping to the beat of his favorite song. Words weren’t really necessary, nor were they needed, all Keith really wanted is the knowledge that he wasn’t going to be left alone.

The thing about dissociation is that it doesn’t go away instantly and on it’s own, you can’t really snap out of it like it’s some kind of hypnosis. You land back to reality in gradual stages, and after a couple more minutes of wordless comfort, the static began to clear from his mind. At least, enough for Keith to feel like he could squeeze both of his partners’ hands back. Cherry’s face immediately lit up with a smile, whilst Pico simply let out a sigh of relief.

A couple more minutes passed, with each second he felt like he was slipping back into consciousness. Eventually, he felt like he had enough autonomy over his body to be able to say something, a simple, “Thank you,” barely over a whisper.

Cherry smiled brighter, and immediately went to asking questions, “Oh, do you need anything? Like- some water or a granola bar or something?” She was, perhaps, a little more worried about him than she initially thought. Keith thought about it for a bit before answering, “A cup of water would be nice, I think.” She nodded, then hopped off the bed and into the kitchen.

While the sound of a running tap could be heard just a room over, Pico took little shimmies closer towards Keith, squeezing his hand a bit tighter. He wasn’t exactly the most emotionally-open person out there, so him saying something as simple as, “I’m glad you’re back,” With a bit of hesitation in his voice meant the absolute world to Keith, who returned the gesture of physical touch in full. 

Dissociation wasn’t exactly uncommon to Keith, it’s an unfortunate result of a survival mechanism your brain puts you through in order to better deal with trauma. It’s completely out of your control, and that’s precisely what makes it so scary. But knowing that he has two people by his side that would do anything for him, well, it made thinking about it all a little less scary.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to my bitches that dissociate due to trauma and for whom normal grounding techniques make the dissociation worse i feel you!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
